Posted June 13th, 2016 by simon brigg No Comments
Look, we know a thing or two about dads, dadhood, papa-ness and fatherosity. So let us tell you, sonny Jim, that when we explain how to give your special old man the perfect Father’s Day, you had better listen up.
Father’s Day at Porky’s
Come to Porky’s this Father’s Day (that’s 19th June for all you incompetent children) and your dad will get a free beer on us! It’s better than a pair of socks, right?
You can even pretend you bought it for him – we won’t snitch on you. Find us at Crouch End, Bankside, Chelsea, Camden or Shoreditch.
The difference between Mother’s- and Father’s Day
Where mothers will appreciate the home-cooked breakfast in bed, the bottomless prosecco brunch and the tasteful gift (bought after piecing together several weeks of cryptic clues and subtle hints), dads will not.
Papas will merely grunt and fart as you wake them up at 8.30am with a delicious platter of avocado toast and coffee. As you leave it on the duvet for them to discover upon their awakening, they will roll over, spilling everything, remaining quite asleep, luxuriating in their own soiled filth.
Daddy-Os will not indulge in never-ending bubbles sipped from fancy flutes. They will not leave a delightful breadcrumb-trail of clues and hints as to their present preferences, so you will have no gift better than socks to buy.
So what do dads love?
Here’s what you can expect from the Ol’ Muffasa on the big day.
At 9.43am the desire for bacon outweighs the desire to sleep – the critical tipping point that kickstarts the behemoth that is ‘dad’. As you greet in the kitchen, your ironic Father’s Day card is received with a chuckle, a dad joke and an enquiry about where to watch the football.
You will now instruct Daddy Bear that you are both going to watch Spain vs. Turkey at Porky’s Bankside, get drunk, eat lots of ribs, then waddle back down to the train station at 11pm, full, happy and satisfied you have fulfilled your Father’s Day duties.
Go on, give your dad the meat he deserves this Father’s Day.